“Where’s my pudding?” (and other problems of East-West détente..)

Tonight, by complete chance, I happened to watch Sky 3’s film “Diary of a Mail Order Bride”. Despite the sensationalist, and mildly offensive title, the programme was well made – and it showed the reality “warts and all” (as English people say) of relationships between Russian women and Western men.

Like many “reality TV” shows, some of the cases the programme focused on were “extremes” (that after all is what makes “good telly”…) On the other hand the programme showed how, despite the many pitfalls and obstacles – cultural, linguistic, legal and even culinary – such relationships can and often do succeed.

I have to say, from my own experience, that gastronomic and dietary differences are one of the most serious obstacles to East-West relations and these are problems that I doubt even President Obama’s recent meeting with President Medvedev will be able to resolve… 

"Just wait till he tastes my home made borscht..."

For example, when I first served my English husband borscht (a beetroot-based dish which is a staple part of the diet in Georgia, Russia, Ukraine and most Eastern European countries) he asked me, only half in jest, if I had got the recipe from the Tbilisi central prison. Another Russian woman I know locally, soon after her arrival, asked her husband if he ate salads, only to be told, with a straight face, “No, I’m not a rabbit.”

Borscht: not just for rabbits and prisoners...

In Russia and Eastern Europe people generally are much closer to nature – we are used to gathering berries and making our own herbal teas, activities that many English people now regard as at best quirky and eccentric and at worst, peasant-like, dangerous, un-hygienic, embarrassing and shameful. (For more on the trials and tribulations of East-West culinary encounters check out this hilarious post from the excellent Scarey Azeri in the Suburbs blog).

"This is my land and some day I hope to build on it": Westerners poking fun at Russian-speaking people is a tradition that goes back much further than "Borat." And the Russian people's love of the land and of the natural world has long been a particular source of amusement to Westerners - as in Woody Allen's (admittedly pretty funny) 1975 spoof movie "Love and Death"

For my part I was once horrified by the spectacle of English people eating fish and chips in the street but I must confess that now this national dish, especially popular in this region of England, is one of my favourite foods.

Perhaps the most famous reference to borscht in Western popular culture: the scene in the 1994 comedy "Police Academy 7" in which the hapless Commander Eric Lassard finds himself inadvertently living with a Russian family. On discovering a pot of borscht he assumes it is something that has gone badly off and quickly disposes of it by pouring it down the sink...

There are also many differences in attitudes towards family life. Whatever cynical Western journalists might say, it is a fact that women from Russia and the countries of the Former Soviet Union are  in general very dedicated to marriage, children and family life. This might sound silly and old-fashioned to Western women, like something from the 1950s, but it is a fact.

“Where’s my pudding?”

Another difference I noticed when I first came to England two years ago was in the behaviour and expectations of children. I consider myself very lucky to be the step-mother to a fantastic 7 year old boy. Alas, from what I have observed, not all Western children are quite as well behaved and caring as he is. It used to make me laugh how a common refrain amongst kids here, on finishing their main meal, is “Where’s my pudding?” For me this phrase came to encapsulate the differences between Western children and those in my own country, many of whom are grateful just to have a meal and a roof over their heads.

Fish and chips...and puddings are an important part of life in England - for grown ups and kids alike!

Sadly, probably the worst case featured in “Diary of a Mail Order Bride” was of a man (“David”) from right here in Lancashire who had formed an internet relationship with a much younger Russian woman (“Alexandra”). David’s main passion in life appeared to be visiting his local pub, while Alexandra turned out to be already receiving money from another Western man. So it was hardly surprising when this “relationship” between two people, who had both been deceiving each other in different ways and to differing degrees, finally came to grief…

An incredible Anglo-Russian romance: the story of British engineer Brian Grover: In 1939, after Brian’s Russian wife Ileana “Lena” Petrovna, was refused permission to leave the Soviet Union, Brian simply bought an old First World War bi-plane, flew it to Russia, rescued Lena and brought her back to England. Their story is told in the book “Out Of Russia” by Brian Grover and Jim Rickards, published by Blake at £12.99. To order a copy (in the UK), call 0845 155 0720.

A much happier case featured was that of an English nightclub security guard (and part time pest control man) who flew to Siberia and, apparently against the odds, succeeded in winning over the family of his Russian bride to be, whose father was a hard-nosed Russian military man. He faced something of an interrogation from the parents of the bride (“Liuda”) – who even tried to get him to sign a pre-nuptial agreement! However the couple later married in Prague, with the blessing of the family of the bride, and are now living in England.

One of the most famous of Anglo-Russian relationships, that of the English journalist and children's writer Arthur Ransome, who married Evgenia Petrovna Shelepina, the personal secretary of Leon Trotsky. The pair are buried together in the appropriately named village of Rusland, in the Lake District in the north west of England.

I won’t say any more about the documentary because if you missed it you can watch it for yourselves below. (It’s mostly in English but with some conversation in Russian). If you want to post comments then I’ll publish them.

Elena Sinclair

Watch the documentary “Diary of a Mail Order Bride” for yourselves and make up your own minds – click the links below:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Advertisement